The latest Food For Thought Friday is an interesting one:-
F4TF #16 – Kinky Fuckery – Do you have any fetishes? Will you tell us about them; what they are, why you enjoy them, maybe how you developed them? Are you ashamed or embarrassed by them or are you happy to be open about them? Do you think they are unusual?
This one got me thinking. What is a fetish? So I look up the literal meaning of fetish. There are in fact three main forms:-
- A form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body
- Excessive or irrational devotion to some activity
- A charm superstitiously believed to embody magical powers
So discounting 2 and 3 leaves me with 1 which is, of course, the one that we all want to know about – sexual fetish!
Off I go again and do some more research and find the following article from WebMD which was extremely interesting:-
While you might like the sight of your partner in a pair of high heels during sex, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have a shoe fetish.
A fetish is sexual excitement in response to an object or body part that’s not typically sexual, such as shoes or feet. They’re more common in men.
Many people with fetishes must have the object of their attraction at hand or be fantasizing about it, alone or with a partner, in order to become sexually aroused, get an erection, and have an orgasm.
A person with a fetish might masturbate while they hold, smell, rub, or taste the object. Or they might ask their partner to wear it or use it during sex.
Most Common Fetishes
People can “fetishize” almost anything.
There are many web sites about lots of fetish interests, says Richard Krueger, MD, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University. “Anything you could imagine.”
According to a study, the most common fetishes involve body parts, such as feet, or body features, such as obesity, piercings, or tattoos. The feet are by far the most common. Body fluid, body size, and hair fetishes aren’t far behind.
After body parts comes things you wear. The same study put clothes worn on the hips and legs, such as stockings and skirts, at the top of the list. Footwear, then underwear, ranked closely behind.
Fetishes that involve the feel of a certain material, often leather or rubber, are also common. Some people like dressing themselves and their partner in furry animal costumes.
Where Do Fetishes Come From?
Sexual behavior experts don’t agree on the causes. Some people can trace their attraction back to early childhood, before they were aware of their sexuality.
A fetish can also come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior during childhood or from sexual abuse, says Kenneth Rosenberg, MD. He’s a psychiatry professor at Weill Cornell Medical College.
Are Fetishes OK?
A sexual fetish is not a disorder by definition, but it can reach that level if it causes intense, lasting distress.
“Whether somebody is doing this by themselves or with a partner, if they’re happy with it, then it’s not an issue,” Krueger says, as long as it causes pleasure and no one is being forced to take part.
“My patients come to me because they feel it’s a problem,” Rosenberg says. “Their behaviors are not interesting, fun, or even sexy. They are not simply experimenting with novel means of sexual expression. They are desperate, compulsive, and sometimes so distressed by their behaviors that suicide is a consideration.”
When it’s a disorder, it feels out of control. Someone might disappear from work or home to practice their fetish in secret. This fascination could also keep them from doing their job.
“A physician could have a foot fetish, for example, and spend a large amount of time and attention on his patients’ feet,” Krueger says.
People with these disorders might also steal to get the object of their desire. Often, they can’t have meaningful sexual relationships with other people. They might prefer to have time alone with their object, even when they’re in a relationship with another person.
“If your partner said, ‘Wear a pair of sexy shoes tonight,’ you’d probably say, ‘Why not?’ But if your partner said, ‘You can sleep in the other room, just leave me your shoes,’ that would be a problem,” Rosenberg says.
Standard treatment includes medication and talk therapy with a psychiatrist or counselor.
Still, some fetishes can be harmless. A recent study on “adult baby/diaper lovers” found that among nearly 1,800 men and 140 women who report having this fetish, most said they were “comfortable” with their fetish and that it wasn’t a problem.
The same can be said of people who enjoy bondage, discipline or domination, sadism, and masochism, commonly known as “BDSM,” Rosenberg says. As long as everyone agrees, then chances are “no one’s getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent, and everyone’s happy with what’s happening.”
From reading the above it would appear that, from a psychological/medical viewpoint, a fetish could be argued to describe any sort of kinky act that a person may choose to partake in.
Based on the above I have many fetishes/kinks, here are just some of them:-
Impact play – floggers, canes, whips, misery stick, spanking to name just a few – I love thuddy impliments and most will send me to subspace quicker than you can blink and eye.
Bondage – being restrained (rope, cuffs, chain, tape etc). blindfolds, gags, hogties – if you can bind me with it I can be made a very happy woman.
Wax – the hot sting and then the tightness as the wax cools on the skin is divine. Many people like to bring knives into play here to remove the wax, this is something that is impossible for me as knives are a complete and total hard limit for me (maybe I will tell that story here one day). Instead I have found that I love the wax to be slowly peeled from my skin with fingers, or whipped from me with a flogger (be warned this will get wax everywhere!)
Pain – I love pain, be it from clamps, pegs, fingers, or from impact impliments, pain just takes me to subspace and strong orgasms in a very short time.
Do I have to have all the above in order to be sexually aroused, no not at all but they certainly do add a dynamic and psychologocial effect that enhances the sexual experience for me.
Am I embarrassed about them? Absolutely not, however, I do not go around telling the world about them. For me it is all strictly in the bedroom and due to my work much of what I get up to behind closed doors stays there (apart from talking about them here to a community that appreciates and understands).
How have I developed them? Being open to them I suppose is the answer. For many years I suppressed this side of me, to a degree, as the person I was then and who I was with at that time just would not have worked. Now I have a relationship where I am able to freely explore and try things out. I call it my past life and my present life. My present life, for me, is totally fulfilling in that I have the space and communication with M to be able to explore and try things together and grow together in our kinky/fetish lives.
Do I think they are unusual? The ones I have listed above I feel are not unusual, certainly not within our community here on the blogosvere! I do have a few more “unusual” ones but those are between me and M and that is where they will remain.
Velvet will share her stories, both autobiographical and fictional together with poetry, when the inspiration takes her, as well as some of her photography.